[ FOE trans f o r mation ] IMMY <3

[SPOTLESS ™]

Nathan Gaudete had been wandering the halls for a while now. Though the bell had long since rung, he was on the search for a particular classroom, one that would contain a particular person he wished to speak to. Of course, it was not as if this classroom did not contain any old emotion from him. Besides the mixture of slight apprehension and downright fear, he remembered being completely drunk in English class, being sent to the Principal's from English class, throwing spitballs in- okay, you get the picture. Nate had quite a few "happy" memories from the classroom. Yet he was not here for that. He knew he would recognize her the moment he laid eyes on her. He was sure she was as beautiful as he remembered. Yet would she even want to talked to him? Would she ignore him completely, or become violent? Chances were she would. And serve me right, Nathan thought sadly. What he had done to her was unforgivable. But he had changed, and he was ready to apologize for the pain he had inflicted upon her.

Finally he found the room he had been searching for. He hesitated, fingering the collar of his button down shirt. Technically this wasn't even allowed. Teachers weren't allowed to go visit other teachers for this reason. But this was special. He just needed to apologize. It would haunt him forever if he did not. If she wished, they would both go their seperate ways, and they would never see each other again. If that was what she wished. But Nate hoped they could get through this. How naive this hope was, he wasn't sure yet. I mean, who forgives someone who does something that bad to them? But they had been best friends before Nate had gotten so involved in drinking. Best friends. He and Izzy had been all each other had in a world that seemed to turn them away. And why had he done what he'd done? He was drunk. That was his only excuse. He couldn't even consciously remember how it had started. He swallowed and knocked on the door.

When no answer came he pushed it open ever so slightly and slipped in. He knew most teachers would be here for hours after the bell rung, and he was not disappointed. There she was. Lightly tanned skin, icy blue eyes, and chocolate curls. She had his back to him, but he almost preferred it this way, because her beautiful face would only be contorted with hatred if she looked upon him. For a minute he said nothing, still just gazing at her. Yes, none of her former beauty had left. None of it. He was sure when she turned, however horrid her expression may be, her face would still be beautiful. He swallowed again. This was so awkward. He did not expect his breath to catch in his throat like every time he say her so many years ago. Suddenly it was the same as in high school. Izzy looked at Nate as a friend, and a friend only. A very good friend, but nothing more. Yet every time Nate turned his eyes to her face, something melted inside him. He was absolutely sure he was in love with her. Why had he ruined that?

He sighed as silently as he could. He had to swallow his emotions. No other woman made him feel like this, yet the one that did probably hated him. And for good reason. Nate thoroughly knew he deserved never to be forgiven. But maybe, just maybe, he could show her how truly sorry he was. How genuine the sadness was when he realized he could no longer call her and rant to her about the school day. But that time had passed. Could it ever come back? He wanted to say something, but when he opened his mouth he only managed to clear his throat abruptly. He ran a hand through his short mouse colored hair, and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment. If he could just... speak. But he couldn't It was too difficult. Trying once more in vain to get his voice out, he managed an awkward half question. "Um... Isabella?" Any moment now she would whip around, and scream, "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Any moment now, whatever would happen would happen, and there was nothing any of them could do about it. Nathan waited with baited breath.

[/size]

ohohsee: WOO! muse xD

[d o l c e]

Today was a rather tiring day for Isabella, as this week had been the first full week of school. Today was a Friday; Thank God; Fridays were definately the best days. Especially in the beginning of the year. The day was almost over; there were only two more classes left in the day. Right now, 5th period, was Izzy's free period. After that, she had an Honors English class and then a College Prep English class for her last period. The Honors class was doing pretty well. It was a small class, consisting of exactly 2 girls and 5 boys. The College Prep class was a little more erotic and routy, but Izzy got through it and so far, they'd had some deep conversations.

Blake & Cassie, Blake's best friend, seemed to do being well with their classes. They had a few [classes] together, including lunch [Izzy also had their lunch], and seemed to somewhat enjoy the classes. Cassie seemed to really be into her Math class, too. It was taught by a new teacher, something Gaudete, and Cassie said that he was very friendly, happy and had reached out to her more than once. Izzy, jokingly of course [and out of school!], told her to watch it so he didn't get into her pants.

But, really, it had been bugging her lately. Gaudete. Nate? No, it couldn't possibly be. He was long gone, perhaps dead. Hopefully dead. An not a very nice person like that would have gotten beat up and killed by now. Or maybe he killed himself with drugs and alcohol. Izzy could only hope. Thinking about this, as she wrote on the board for her Honors class, she bit her lip and began to worry. So far, she had not even seen a new teacher. Maybe Cassie just thought that he was new because she had never heard of him before? No; Izzy hadn't ever heard of him either.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Izzy supressed those feelings, thoughts and rememberance down deeper in her memory. She tried to fight the feeling for not being able to breath and the hurt that she had gone through. How could someone do that? Someone who was supposed to be your best friend? Opening scared blue eyes, Izzy stared at the words before her eyes. She completely forgot what she was going to write. She shook her head ever so lightly, her curls scraping against her straight back.

And then she felt eyes on her back. She bit her lip and told herself that she was just paranoid. No one was there... her door was shut. She would have heard a knock. And then someone called out her name. The voice... so familar, yet so cruel. She glanced over her shoulder to see a tall, dark figure. Izzy spun around, her dark hair spinning out like a dress. She faced the character and her breath caught in her mouth. Holy shit. She mouth parted slightly, her glossy lips not taking in any air. She hand, which still was in the air, dropped the chalked. And Izzy snapped.

"Get out," she ordered weakly, not finding her voice. "Get out... get out... GET OUT!!" Her ice blue eyes were not angry, just scared. They begged for him to leave... leave forever and not come near her.

[| SPOTLESS ™]

It was the reaction he expected to have. In his head, he had gone over and over again how he would handle this event, yet words failed him. He totally and utterly deserved to be yelled at, to be thrown mercilessly from her classroom. He was silent, unspeaking, yet not leaving. He needed to show her he'd changed. That he would never fall back into the path he had found himself in. Cassie... V? Her last name started with a V he knew that. She was troubled like he'd been. And he was doing all in his power to prevent her from falling down the same road he had. The teenager was really quite delightful, brilliantly smart, and outgoing. Yet nobody understood her. She had a best friend too... Jess O'Malley. His breath caught in his throat. Jess was his daughter. He'd known her face, like he knew her mothers the moment she set foot in his classroom. The two had become relatively close, yet Nate could not bring himself to tell her who he really was.

Finally, he spoke. He swallowed before he did, knowing how much he deserved this treatment. Isabella... listen to me. Please, let me just tell you what's happened. I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't. Please... just give me a chance."

[/b] The expression on his face was of utter despair. It was so obvious his sadness was genuine, yet he knew it would probably not change her mind. His green eyes were pleading as he watched her, sighing heavily. He felt his breathing become ragged and quick. This was the hardest person to confront. Nate had apologized to everyone he had hurt in his dark days. Yet it had taken him over decade to come and apologize to his best friend whom he had damaged the most.

"I know... I know you probably won't ever forgive me... and serves me right. What I did to you... nobody deserves that. I didn't know what I was doing. I was so sunken into darkness. And I'm not trying to make excuses. But Isabella Aine... I am sorry from the bottom of my heart." He paused, and took another breath, his eyes welling up with years of tears uncried. "And if you want me to walk out this door, and you want to pretend this never happened, and just live with your unhappy memory of me, I'll leave. I'll never bother you again. Because that's what I deserve. I deserve to be tarred and feathered and permanently put on your bad list."[/b] Once again he paused, swallowing the lump developing in his throat.

He knew that if he never was allowed to even think about her beautiful face, he would waste away. Because the fact was that there was never a moment when Isabella O'Malley wasn't on his mind. He constantly thought of the daughter he'd never met, the best friend he'd lost in his own stupidity. His eyes glazed when he thought of the happy memories he'd had with Izzy. Together since fourth grade, the two had had their fights, but had always been fast friends. Both something of outcasts, they banded together, always doing everything together. Nate highly doubted he would've survived school without running away if not for Izzy's constant company. Now Nate didn't even know whether she would permit him to call her Izzy.

Finally he spoke again. His voice was heavy, layered with emotion. This was the big one. It was. He swallowed the remaining emotions, and finally spoke. "But... if you'll let me just speak to you. Just explain to you what happened, and why I did such a terrible thing to you, who used to be my best friend. Please. Just give me a chance. I don't deserve one, but do. I think I can change your mind. I hate not talking to you. And maybe I'm extensively naive to think you would allow me to speak to you, but I need to. Isabella, your the reason I did all this. You. I knew something had to change when I hurt my best friend like that. So please. Please. Just think."[/b][/center][/size]

[d o l c e]

The voice, so pleading, so helpless... so drunk, transporting her back to the night Nate betrayed her. Izzy could almost smell the alcohol on his breath, his face inches away from hers. He was on top of her, holding her down with all his might while she squirmed and wrestled under his weight. He was fiddling with her pants and smiling at her, telling her that everything was okay and to just relax. But she couldn't. She didn't want to. It wasn't right. He was hurting her and she couldn't breath. The memories swarmed Izzy's head, forcing her to become dizzy and suddenly hot. She took a step toward Nate, her head raised to show him that although he had once hurt her, he couldn't anymore.

"Stop talking shit," she said. "You're a f*cking bastard and I hate you." She didn't want to hear his crap; there was no excuse for what he did. He had ruined her life. The only good thing that came of it wad that Blake had been created and born. She was an amazing child with so much potential; she didn't need this in her life right now. What if she started following the track that Cassie was on because of it?

Continuing toward him, Izzy stopped right in front of her, confronting her fears. She felt alive with this new energy and strength surging through her; it was amazing. Lifting her face to stare into Nate's eyes, Izzy pierced him with her blue eyes. She stared hard at him, showing him no fear though she did feel some. She glared at him, not fearing what he might do, but what she might do. She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't make the connection to voice her thoughts. Instead, she closed her mouth tightly, put her hands on Nate's chest and shoved him back hard, so he fell against the wall opposite her classroom door.

She didn't want to hear his lousy excuses; she didn't want her hear his voice. She just wanted to beat him up, let her anger out and then go about her business. When Nate regained himself, she strodded up to him again and was about her pound her fists on his chest, but then she stopped herseld. What in the world was she doing? This wasn't right; it wasn't going to teach him anything. So she began to cry instead. She fell apart in front of him again. Izzy was tired and just wanted to stop feeling like crap anytime she thought about Nate - or, now, saw him.

She looked up at him with a tear-strikened face and whispered, "I hate you." She stood in her classroom doorway and let her breath go. She turned around and walked inside her classroom, snapping her fingers 3 times. She needed to be the bigger person.

He knew.



[[OOC: Let's pretend that when they were younger, they snapped their fingers 3 times when they were ready to talk after a fight. Okie dokie?]]

[SPOTLESS ™]

[okie dokie. its crappeh because I'm tired even though I have tons of muse]

A few shocked heads had poked in upon hearing Isabella's words, but they were gone quickly. Nate understood. He knew he deserved this. He knew it. Yet her accusatory tone was something he could not stand, however deserving. She yelled and she yelled. She seemed to yell herself hoarse. She pushed him around, muttering wildly under her breath. And he let her. He let her shake him around like a rag doll. It was truly what he needed, what he deserved. He did not even scramble up when she pushed him to the ground, her eyes so full of hate. Her tone was of deepest loathing when once more, in a deadly quiet voice she said, "I hate you." "I know." He said this simply. It was statement, the only thing so far he had managed to utter calmly.

And then there she was. Turning away from him in a mostly silent gesture of surrender. Unsure of what to do now that she had stop pounding him, he looked shiftily at her. She seemed to have calmed down slightly, though her chest was still heaving, as was his own. His lip was bloodied, and his shirt had come partially untucked, but one wouldn't have guessed he had just been attacked by a fellow colleague. He took in great heaving breaths, calming himself. She was more amazing than he'd ever imagined. He had anticipated her to take one look at him, shout a few curses and make him leave. Yet here she was, calmed down, and almost accepting his presence. If it was him... oh, the rage would've gone on for days, weeks, even months before even the slightest reminder of his name didn't stir up a blind panic.

"Isabella you were... are... the most forgiving person one could ever hope to meet. And you've just demonstrated that today. I deserve to be treated like scum... worse than scum, yet you are willing to talk to me. But I want this to end. I can't live knowing you hate me. You may never not hate me, but I have to know I've tried. Let's do this the way we used to. You tell me your side of the story. I won't interrupt no matter how accusatory what you say is, but you have to promise to do the same for me when I speak."

[/b] It was so strange to be speaking as if they were old friends back in elementary school once again. Yet here they were, having an almost rational conversation together. Wow... how did this happen?[/center][/size]

[d o l c e]

The silence haunted Izzy as she stared at Nate, whom she had not seen in years. Well over a decade, in fact; she caught herself wondering what he had been doing this whole time. Raping other women? She cleared her throat nervously, trying to shake all bad thoughts about him from her mind. She needed to keep an open mind, not think bad about him anymore. Izzy needed to be above Nate in this adventure. But it was so awkward. Nate was here, right before her, after years and years of solitude. Izzy found herself looking deep into his eyes, the eyes that she had once trusted so much. It was hard not to melt before him; Izzy wanted to forgive him and just start over, but it wasn't that easy. He had hurt her so much... and not all from one night. Before that, Nate had turned to drugs and alcohol, completely drawing back from Izzy. That hurt her probably the most.

And here Nate finally was, standing before Izzy and waiting for her to tell her side of the story. But it couldn't be so easy, could it? The pain he had caused her - and probably Blake, for not knowing her biological father [did he even know he had a daughter?] - would not just cease to exist. It wasn't that simple. Changing himself didn't change the past; did he understand that? Looking away from him, Izzy stared at her desk and the papers that were already accumulating. Nate's voice drifted through her thoughts, but when he stopped talking, she couldn't bring herself to talk. Or even look at him. Why was she doing this? He didn't deserve a second chance. What was that saying? Oh yeah: "there are no second chances; people never change."

But, yet... here Nate was. Right before her. Izzy finally looked over at him: her eyes glaring, but her expression soft. She swallowed and sat on one of the student's desks behind her and lifted her face to gaze at Nate. She finally began to speak, talking softly at first: "My side of the story? I think we both have a somewhat similar recollection of the story." She scoffed, but plunged onward, her eyes softening with memories. "We were best friends, Nate. You started making some bad choices and dwindled downward. I didn't know how to communicate with you; you wouldn't let me in. You just pushed us all away - me, your parents... our rare other friends." Taking a shaky breath, Izzy felt the surge of fresh tears, but willed herself to not cry again.

"I didn't even care that you were making bad choices and making a fool of yourself; I just wanted my Nate back. He was my best friend. He was awesome. I loved him." She let the last sentence sink in, hoping he hated himself. "And then the night of the party... I only went because you invited me and because I hoped that you wouldn't trip on acid with me there. I actually went to find you to leave after a bit, because I didn't like it. And I hoped that I would find you in time." She shook her head, her dark, curly hair waving sadly against her back. "But you were already gone... not physically, but emotionally." And then she suddenly stopped, not able to go on. This was the first time she was confronting her fears and pain out loud in over ten years. Even her parents didn't know that Nate had raped her. Her voice lowered and tears slipped from her blue eyes. "I couldn't find you and it scared me. And then you just... you just really hurt me that night, Nate." She sniffed and looked down at the ground. "You know you have a daughter? She's beautiful, Nate; she's so smart."

[SPOTLESS ™]

Nate said nothing. There was nothing compared to this feeling of self loathing he felt flooding his entire body. He hated himself. Suddenly he wanted to inflict pain on himself, let his body feel some of the hurt that he had inflicted upon Izzy. He watched her for a moment longer, silent tears streaming down his face. He shouldn't be the one crying. He should be the stoic one, the one that did not let her words touch him. Yet he still cared. He cared so much for the trembling woman before him. The why did he do it? Couldn't he control something so serious, even when he was so drunk he couldn't see straight? And the truthful answer was no.

This new conclusion stirred up blind rage in Nate. HIs nostrils flared, and his green eyes flashed menacingly. None of this anger was directed at her, and he hoped she could see that, as he glared at the table as if begging it to retalitate. I'M SO STUPID! I'M THE MOST UNDESERVING PIECE OF SHIT THAT EVER LIVED!" He had raised his voice to something of a shout, and was pacing the room violently, throwing wild glances in her direction occasionally. He continued, his voice getting louder as he went. "WHY ISABELLA?! WHY ARE YOU SO WILLING TO TALK TO ME?! I WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND! FRIENDS DON'T DO THAT TO FRIENDS, SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO ME FOR?! WHY AREN'T YOU STILL HITTING ME? WHY ARE YOU SO WILLING TO NOT BE MAD?!" These last words were spoken with some sort of ringing force, and with the departure of Nate's voice, the room was startingly quiet. He sank to floor, holding his head in his hands. He'd been so concentrated on apologizing to her, he never stopped once to think why? Why was she being so leniant.

Mrs. Beamer stuck her head in the room, responding to Nate's raised voice. With a mumble of apology, at the sight of Nate's defeated frame, she closed the door once more, looking frightened. "I'm sorry." He whispered this, wiping a fresh bout of tears from his face. He had wanted so badly to be able to let down his guard again, showing all of the emotions he had kept bottled up for years to Izzy. Self hate, anger, sadness, and now it had all come to a bursting point. It was as if a heavy wait had left Nate's chest, and his breathing became steadily slower and less ragged. He picked himself up off the floor and plopped down in a chair next to a desk.

He swalloweed, sighing heavily. His sudden explosion had left him drained, and he mentally prepared himself for her yelling at him again. Though he knew he would not be able to stand it no matter how prepared. The thing that drove him crazy was how calm she was being. He wanted to be shown what he deserved. He wanted to. But she was willing to talk. Why?! Nate felt tears spill out of his eyes again, and wiped them, swallowing the remaining emotions. "Why aren't you mad?" He knew Izzy would understand the meaning of his words. It was not that she wasn't mad, but that she wasn't mad enough. HIs tone was so soft, so confused, and yet he wasn't exactly asking. It was more of an after thought... the remnants of a storm so to speak.

Nate hadn't even mentioned her talk of Jess. Then, he looked up at her, his face red. "I know I have a daughter. I've met her. SHE'S IN MY MATH CLASS FOR HEAVEN SAKES! She is the most brilliant... the sweetest kid I have ever met. Yet she doesn't know who I really am, and how much I deserve every ounce of hate she's ever had in that little frame. She reminds me... so much... so much of... you." He paused, feeling his eyes prick with tears. She was a replica of Izzy. An exact reproduction. "I'm so glad... she looks nothing like me." A rush of grief made him teeter on the edge of loosing control again. She was genuinely happyhis daughter resembled her mother. He would've killed himself if she had been plagued by questions like, "why do you have green eyes when your mother has blue?" Yet she was so brilliant. She would think up an answer, he knew. He leaned back in the chair, gazing at her with a tear stricken face, and a grief ladden heart.

[d o l c e]

Nate seemed quiet once Isabella had finished her speech and remembrance of what had happened so long ago. She watched him carefully, trying to figure out his next move. It wasn't easy to tell. Nothing was easy with Nate; it never was and never would be. Izzy gnawed at her lower lip, praying that he would get up, apologize once more and then leave her room. She didn't want to deal with this right now. What if Nate made a scene?

Of course, because she thought it, Nate did it. They had always worked that way; one would think and the other would act. Why, why, why? When Nate began to ramble on, his voice not lowering, Izzy started humming to herself and covered her ears. She could still hear him, but this helped; memories didn't flood her mind. Anticipation and nervousness roused her body, and Izzy was beginning to worry. She started to bounce her leg on the ball of her foot, a habit that she had picked up in college from studying for exams or while she was taking the exam. Nate stopped for a short moment and Izzy's classroom door opened up. Another teacher, Mrs. Beamer, poked her head, but then quickly withdrew herself the room, closing the door behind her.

Izzy looked over at Nate; her humming had stopped and her ears were uncovered. Nate was on the ground, head in his hands and Izzy almost felt sorry for him. Almost. But, then she began to think about things: Nate had to deal with this the rest of his life. So did she, but it was slightly different. If he really had changed, the rape might possibly be haunting him more than her. And everything else that he did, too. Nate started talking again, his voice lower. Izzy turned her entire body so that she was facing Nate. She bit her lip again and began to bounce her knee again.

"First off," she started gently, "stop yelling at me." Izzy slid from her spot and walked over to Nate and knelt in front of him. Tentatively, Izzy reached out and pushed Nate's hands from his head. She then gently cupped his chin and lifted his face up so that he was looking her straight in the eyes. "Jessie has her father's determination." Why was she being so nice to him? She hated him; walk away, Iz, walk away! But, she only dropped Nate's face and she took a deep breath. She couldn't talk to Nate anymore; this was too much. She had to get used to his appearance before they started talking things through. Shakily, Izzy stood up and stared down at Nate. "Please don't tell Jess." And then Izzy turned around, walked to the door and stepped out into the hallway. She had to get away.

[SPOTLESS ™]

And then she was gone. This, more than anything filled Nate with a heavy sense of defeat. He hadn't succeeded. He hadn't even given it his best effort, simply falling apart in front of her. He had not expected her to forgive him, nor even remotely find him good company again. Yet he knew he had not given it his best effort. He shut his eyes, and pressed his lids with his fingers. More tears leaked out of the corners, as if he was squeezing out the last water droplets in a sponge. He swallowed again. Why? Why? So many unanswered questions. So many emotions he would never show her. And now it was to late. I should just go and fling myself out the nearest window, he thought resolutely to himself. Yes, that'd be appropriate. And, if he didn't die, he'd sure as hell be hurting. Maybe half as much as she was.

And she had left. She had taken herself away from him in his time of weakness, but not before helping him. She was such a friend. A friend who hated him and wished him to go to hell, but a friend. She could not stand the sight of his defeated form and had bent to help him. Yet there was so much sadness burning in her sky blue eyes. Sadness and fear. He knew he had scared her by returning. Nate regretted it with all of his heart. That was not what he had been meaning to do, yet he was unknowing of how to avoid it. Of course Izzy was scared of him. He was the one who had emotionally scarred her forever, scars that would never heal. Of course they still had memories. Memories of a time before Nate's addictions, when the two would swing together in complete solitude, chatting happily. Memories of the beginning of sixth grade. A new school. Mostly, that meant new bullies for both Izzy and Nate. But they'd stuck together. Inseparable they'd been. And he'd always loved her. He'd always loved her so much.

He sighed. He realized he still loved her, yet in a different way. She hadn't been ready in high school, yet he had forced her anyway. In his drunken obsession with his best friend, he'd unconsciously hurt her beyond belief. Perhaps if he had waited longer... he would be at home with Kendall and Aiden, eagerly awaiting his wife and best friend to return from work. Yet he had acted. He had refused to wait, and as a result the scene before him unfolded, outside any form of order or control. Why? Why had he made the decision not to respect her boundaries and wait until they were both a little bit older? Why hadn't he at least waited until his was sober, and was consciously making decisions? Why was he thinking about this? There was nothing he could do. What was done was done, which brought him back to his need to throw himself out the window. He glanced toward the glass pane, so wide and inviting.

Half minded to follow his thought process, he made his way unsteadily toward the window. It was only a two story drop.. Probably wouldn't kill him, but it would sure break a few bones. Looking forward to the pain he was inflicting to his body with a sort of savage relish, he pushed open the window, staring downward. Warm wafts of air drifted in through the window, calming him down. Yet he had not lost the burning desire to hurt himself badly. Shit. Grass. That might soften his fall. But his intent was not to die, yet to become so injured that he finally let go of some of the anger and resentment towards the body he was stuck inside. He teetered over the edge, kneeling on the window's frame. I can do this, he thought, calming himself, and preparing to plunge.

[d o l c e]

[[I'm just walking trying to see through the rain coming down]]

Izzy could barely see straight as she wandered down the halls of the too-familiar high school. She wanted to find Jessie and cry and tell her everything, but it wasn't possible. She was a grown woman, for Christ's sake! She couldn't go crying to her daughter - especially not since she taught in the school. What was wrong with her? Stopping briefly, Izzy put her hand on the wall next to her and closed her eyes. She took slow, deep breaths and the fog enstilled above her began to lift and drift away.

Opening her eyes, Izzy looked straight ahead and saw lockers. One locker was decorated brightly and ballons were tied to the lock. Izzy smiled, remembering the days when she & Nate would decorate each other's lockers for special occasion or just for the hell of it. Her heart warmed with memories with Nate and then... her mind went blank. She remembered their last happy memory and after that, there was nothing. What if he really had changed? Well, he must have; or else the school wouldn't have hired him, right?

Deciding to perhaps hear all of what Nate had to say, Izzy began a slow trek toward his room. When she arrived, however, Izzy saw that his room was empty. She shrugged to herself and decided that it was best. Izzy walked back to her room, running through her mind what she might say to him next time they saw each other. But, the words stopped short as Izzy entered her room and found Nate standing on the window sill, looking down.

"Nate," she breathed, her breath now caught in her throat. What was he doing? He was going to jump... and give up. Oh my God. What had she done?

"Nate!" she said louder, her voice full of anticipation. "Nate, what are you doing? Please come down. Please." Izzy's blue eyes softened and she stared at Nate's back, silently begging him to step down and come toward her. Oh God; what was going to happen?[/size]

[SPOTLESS ™]

Nate paused, looking so confused it was as if somebody hit him over the head with something very large and heavy. Her voice. It was close to him. It grounded his swimming head, it was something his thoughts could cling onto and stay sane. He looked toward the window once more. A light breeze blew threw it, and birds sung cheerily. There was so much good in this world. People like Izzy. Single mothers who live for their families, working hard to keep everything okay. Then there were people like him. Selfish, horrible people, who didn't stop and think about anything before doing it. Why? Why did he fall into the second category? And he thought. And thought and thought, sitting there on the window pane with his back to Izzy's tearful face.

Because she was the only thing he'd had.

The fact remained, that Nate had never felt closer to anything, or anyone as much as felt close to Izzy. He'd wanted her too badly, and been willing to do anything. But was it possible to love someone too much? And in his case, it had been dangerous. He had not been himself, not making decisions. In fact, he was rarely sober back then, and when he was, he certainly wasn't making the wisest choices. And there was no one to blame but himself. Finally he turned to her, green eyes blazing with hard determination, and with traces of affection for the face he stared into. He was angry with himself, undoubtedly yes. Beyond belief. He hated being trapped in the body he was. He wanted to escape, be someone different. Memories haunted him all night long. He lay awake with cold sweat drenching his face, wanting so desperately to make things right, but not knowing how. Of course the school knew about his history. Actually, they'd known him back then. Some teachers had been around since his bad days. And they'd all accepted it. Had they known what he'd done to Izzy? So determined that she loved him back, and ready to prove it, he'd ignored everything that screamed wait.

He swallowed heavily, his eyebrows furrowed. He seemed to have vanished inside of himself, and he fought the memories that were aroused by his encounter with Izzy. So much bad. Yet she'd stuck with him, until he'd done the unspeakable. Beads of sweat lined his forehead, as he struggled with the past. He wanted so badly to forget. But he knew he couldn't. If he hadn't been an alcoholic and drug addict, he would've never found this knew sort of salvation that wound its way into everything he did. He probably would've remained sullen, not outspoken, with only Izzy as a portal into which he poured his heart and soul. She knew his every thought, his every fear. Or she used to. He remembered the looks she used to give him toward the end. Sometimes they were just plain confused and angry at his repeatedly terrible choices. But mostly they were filled with sadness as what had become of her friend. Her tearful voice rang out in his head, "I'm worried about you Nate... you seem really different."

Underneath he was still the same Nate. But then he'd lost himself in a whirl wind of substance addictions. And now he was back. A much happier, more thankful Nate. He finally brought himself to meet her gaze once more, but he could not speak. Worry was etched in every line in her face. He ran his eyes over her soft porcelain skin, her sapphire blue eyes, and soft pink lips. The last thing he wanted right now was to speak, but he realized he probably should. He wanted to tear himself from her face and plunged through the window but he couldn't bring himself to turn and walk away. He couldn't bring himself to turn and walk away again. Finally he could speak, but when he did his voice trembled, and once more he was the shy school boy approaching her on the playground in fourth grade. More memories. "M-may I swing with you?" he'd asked, dark bangs hiding glittering green eyes. And she'd said yes. It had been the beginning of a long friendship. "I'm sorry... but why should I stay?" He glanced over at the window, then turned back to Izzy. The window was still just as warm and inviting. But she was finally talking to him in civilized tones, and he didn't want to break this just now. His voice was barely more than a whisper when he spoke again. "Your better off without me."[/b]

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[d o l c e]

Her begging only seemed to prolong Nate's stance at the window. But, then again, maybe it really didn't. When one's life was at stake, everything seems to take forever to pass, doesn't it?

Izzy's mind was reeling. Everything almost seemed to much. It was hard to believe what was happened... and what had happened. It seemed so long ago; why was she hanging on to it? The only person Izzy was hurting was herself. Nate just wanted to be forgiven, didn't he? He shouldn't have to jump out a window to prove to Izzy how sorry he was. Oh God; what had she done? What if she hadn't come back on time? Holy shit.

"Nate," she said. "You're everything." She took a step toward him, really seeing him for the person he was. But, she couldn't just let things go that quickly. They needed to talk - really talk. In fact, it might take all night. But, Izzy didn't have that kind of time. Not now. Maybe over the weekend. She glanced down at her watch; 2 minutes left till her class started.

Looking back up at him, Izzy smiled. She stayed where she was, though she wanted to run up to Nate and jump on him and have him spin her around like old times. She tilted her head to the side and began to speak. "Close the window - and don't open it again. I have class to get to, but we need to talk. Come to my room afterschool?"

However, before she gave Nate enough time to answer, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room. She hoped that he would meet her later on in the day.

[d o l c e]

I REPLIED!!!! xD

[SPOTLESS ™]

Okay, I'm making a new topic. It'll be in the hallways, you'll see why, though they'll ultimately end up in Izzy's class. <3