[ I'VE GOT A LOT TO SAY TO YOU ] ♥ eilzbum

[theLiZARDQUEEN]

♥

'CAUSE WE ARE BROKEN,
WHAT MUST WE DO TO RESTART?
OUR iNNOCENCE
AND ALL THE PROMiSE WE ADORED

It was incredibly sad that Riley Addison had bought men's undies when she was out shopping.

But it was such a good bargain! Five dollars for twin packs of three pairs of jocks. Riley had been in Victoria's Secret, buying candy-striped bras for herself [they were on sale, okay?!] when she had spotted the sign for the jocks across the shops at Target. ] It had been too hard to resist. Riley had some strange disease where if there was any kind of bargain around, she immediately got suckered in. It was a serious problem. That's why she usually brought Athena along with her, to rein her in when Riley went in for the kill. But today, Athena wasn't there to save her, and that was why Riley was walking towards Felix and Ryan's flat to drop off two packs of men's undies. =]

It was an incredibly embarrassing situation. But she couldn't NOT give them to the boys; one, they had been bought under a no-returns policy, which she hadn't noticed until AFTER she'd bought them, insanely stupid on Riley's behalf; and two, if she didn't give them to Felix and Ryan, what was she going to do with six pairs of jocks? She couldn't think of anything else to do with them other than use them as flags, or have a undies-on-head party with Athena in their dorm. As both were invalid options, it was off to their flat she went. She didn't even know if they wore jocks. They could be brief-loving boys, she had no idea. She had never asked them what kind of underwear they preferred.

So, the small orange-haired girl was currently walking down the street, carrying a plastic bag containing the undies in one hand. Today she had chosen to wear skinny jeans with red converse. Her top half was dressed in a three-quartered sleeve black-and-white striped shirt, under which was a longer red shirt, the bottom of which showed under the striped shirt and over the jeans, adding some layers and color to her outfit. Her hair was brushed and left down, and natural-looking makeup adorned her face. Riley could never be bothered with high-maintenance makeup. She was strictly a mascara-and-blush sort of girl, with lipgloss sometimes. ;] Nearing the all-too-familiar flat, she was not expecting Ryan to be there at all. Riley had become quite good at pushing the elusive Mr. Carson to the back of her mind, and now that she had picked herself up from her recent slump in life, she simply got on with her dayand ignored nagging thoughts about him. Sometimes she went two, three hours without thinking about him. A far cry from her second-by-second ponderings about his whereabouts.

So she swung her plastic bag aimlessly to and fro as she walked down the tarmac road. She fully expected only Felix to be home, as he usually was the only one occupying the shared bachelor flat she had become so used to staying in. She stopped dead on the street now, as she thought of the many times she and Ryan had stayed up all night talking, falling asleep on each other's shoulders. It brought a pang to her stomach, and she quickly started moving again, watching her feet. Step. Step. Step. It cleared her mind of all traces of Ryan instantly. She went back to thinking about other things. Michael, for instance. Michael Ricci, Riley's estranged, now ex, boyfriend, had suddenly turned up on her doorstep, announced he and his family were moving to Africa, kissed her on the cheek, said he'd miss her, and disappeared to a different country. Obviously there had been a lot more emotion and crying involved, but he was gone, and that was the cold hard fact. Michael was gone. She would doubtfully see him again, and this made her sad. They had been friends for a while before they started dating. It was the dating part that had screwed things up. They had been great friends, but crappy lovers. They just didn't click romantically. So, things got awkward, they started seeing each other less and less, then Riley met Ryan, and things just... died. She hadn't seen him for many months, and then he just up and went to Africa. Riley did miss him, but not as much as she missed Ryan.

That was the truth, and she felt bad. She obviously was closer to Ryan than she had been to Michael, so it was fair. But, Michael had been her boyfriend, and Ryan her best friend. Love was supposed to come first, but Riley knew now she had gotten her lovers mixed up. It was painful for her to admit that she had feelings for Ryan. She had always known she did, but she had never dared to say it straight out in her mind. And now she had, it scared her. It scared her that it would ruin their relationship. So, she'd kept her mouth shut, and as a result of that, both Ryan and Michael had left her. Maybe she wasn't as smart in doing so as she'd thought she'd been. ;] So, having royally screwed things up, Riley retreated to her dorm room and watched sad movies until she could blame her tears on the movies and not her heartbroken heart.

Urgh, she sounded like a silly teenage girl. Which she was, but she didn't want to admit it. Soon enough she reached the doorstep of the apartment, and knocked the door, shifting her weight onto one foot, staring into the distance boredly, waiting for Felix to open the door so she could give him the undies and leave so she wouldn't have to think about why Ryan wasn't there. Secretly, deep down, she really, really, really, really, REALLY wanted Ryan to open the door, but since she knew there was no chance in hell he was likely to, she pushed this wish deep down inside and focused instead on how to avoid eye contact with Felix so she wouldn't have to see the pitying look in his eyes she got every time she looked at him.

[;EILIDH. ™}]

NOTHING COMPARES TO A QUIET EVENING ALONE.
JUST THE ONE TWO OF US WHOS COUNTING ON.
THAT NEVER HAPPENS.
i guess i'm dreaming again.
lets be more than this.

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Literally nobody had any idea just who exactly was on the scene again. At least, nobody on this side of town. In fact, they were pretty much oblivious. Unless some secret agent had been in contact, but y'know .. that was pretty unlikely. In reality, the whole thing was unavoidable. There was no way out of it. And quite honestly, that was just the way things tended to be when it came to life. You never know when things can go wrong, or right. You never know who might just float in through the apartment doors, completely unannounced and uninformed as to why they were back and where the f**k they had been. You always needed to expect the unexpected. And it's rare you can totally control it.

Well, there was no way Ryan could control this one. It was sprung on him like ten tonne truck. And just as welcomed. Felix was out that day. The day of 'The Phonecall'. Oh, y'know the one. Ever-so-kindly letting him know his dear bitch of a mother had been in a severe car accident. Probably high on some sort of unidentifiable drug. It wasn't like Ryan was in total 100% shock or anything. He wasn't surprised. He had been expecting his mother to do something like that, get herself into immense trouble and perhaps even proving fatal one of these days. She was just that type of woman. No regard for whatever was around her. With that air of syrupy sweetness, mixed with high regard for nobody but herself. Yea. Ever since the whole 'countless affair' thing with his poor doting dad, Ryan never chose to forgive her. She was like some sort of stranger from that day forward. He didn't know her. f**k no. He didn't want to know her. He only had time in his life for real people, who didn't f**k others around for fun or make you feel sick just by hearing their sugar-coated tones. So yea. Why did he drop everything, anything he might have had, all his friends here, his whole life here .. to go back to his past? That was something Ryan never could grasp fully. He didn't have an answer. Of course, people could make many predictions, make many excuses up. But they'd never be bang right on the mark. It was a whole array of things. The priority no doubt, was that his father was a nervous wreck. He was the one who phoned that day, when the apartment was empty all bar Ryan, who happened to be iming Riley.

"Ryan .. Ryan, listen to me. You have to come home. NOW. Your mom she's .. she's .. been in an accident. A bad accident. It's not looking good kid. Please Ryan, we need you here. All of us."

And that was that. No time for Ryan to answer. To time for him to register what the hell was going on. No time for nothing. Nothing, except from immediately shutting down the laptop, and chucking the nearest possessions into a suitcase. Only then, when he was heading down the apartment stairs, and out the door, not knowing it would be months till his next return .. did he think about what his dad had said exactly. bad accident .. not looking good .. we need you here .. all of us .. Well well. Look whos gone and done herself in then eh. Poor woman. And the thing was, he felt worse for his dad. He felt more worried for his dad. The most laid back, kindest, good natured, social man he knew. His idol. The guy he looked up to. The guy who had been put through hell and back, thanks to the woman who was now in a disable state in some dingy hospital room. If it wasn't for his dad, he probably would not have had any incling to go. But because his father had said 'all of us' .. well, that struck Ryan. That meant his dad .. but it also no doubt meant his sisters, Amber and Jenna. Jenna, who had a knack for worrying, but always found some means to cover it up. She always reminded him of his mom in looks, but by nature, she was identical to his father. The two of them were unbelievably close. Brother and sister, with unbreakable ties. Jenna was just as wise to her mothers fooling around as Ryan was. The youngest however, Amber, was not. She was the typical mommys girl. Those pretty little popular, bitchy high school girls who thought they were 'it'. Yea, that was pretty much Amber Carson for ya. But she was his sister. His family. And Ryan couldn't argue against being there in their time of need. So he went. Without argument, without questioning .. leaving nothing but a most probably confused Felix without a flatmate for the next couple of months.

Truthfully, it felt like he had never been away. Still to see the flat looking almost identical to the way it was when he left. Still male dominated, with traces of girl here and there. Athena, Riley, whoever else? Yes perhaps. Athena, most definitely. Ryan knew Felix and her really had it for each other. And he couldn't see that changing any time soon, even through his prominent absense. He doubted Riley would have been as frequent to the pad .. which killed him a little. God .. how was she? Every thought. Every memory. Every Riley-based f**king thing. Who knew. The only thing he did know was, Felix really needed to get his act together when it came to keeping this place clean. xD My God. He hoped he'd maybe used his initative and hired a cleaner or something. Nah. Had had seen it looking worse. Namely when Ryan was there. Bombsite much? Things tossed everywhere in a hapazard manner. Dishes laying loose. You get my drift. ;] Man. It was unbelievable how much he had missed that guy. His brother from another mother, without question.

So at first glance, the hall was a pretty good definition of all-things-male. xD The way Ryan always knew it. Simple and not too complicated. His trusty Vans tapped on the laminate floor as he remembered to close to door, crossing over again and shutting it over with a tight 'snap'. It was a funny thought, but it was the littlest thing that could make you familiar. Like the shutting of a door for instance. xD That was probably one of the most common sounds. There used to be some non stop action in this pad. People liked to use it as their second home. Just because they knew Ryan and Felix weren't the type to complain about it. ;] Dumping his case in the hall and leaving it there for the timebeing, he moved back into the living area, taking it allll in again. =] Home sweet home. With a few random items strewn across the floor thrown in. =S Ryan gave a smile at this thought. Oh yes. This pad was still very much alive. xD

He lifted a hand to his choppy mop of thick black hair, and proceeded to prod parts of it thoughtfully. Something he always tended to subconsciously do. He was considering marrying his hair one of these days. xD No .. his thoughts were just going back to the same old same. Riley .. Felix .. life here .. his friends .. his guitars. HIS GUITARS. ohmygawsh. His hand suddenly dropped like his head was on fire, and his deep brown eyes gave an exciteable sparkle as he remembered the objects he had been pining for. He had no time to take any form of music making with him, which ultimately drove him totally insane. Music was Ryan's life. And if you looked around the boys' apartment, that sure would be the message given off. Music orientated, these guys were. ;] Suddenly taking his thoughts to action, he darted across the lounge and made for his own room, which was quite conveniently next door to the kitchen. One of his favourite places in thee world. xD He was almost there, he could feel the glorious handle, smell the sweet polish, hear the amazing sounds of his acoustic. And then the door went. -_- Way to ruin a perfect moment of idealistic thinking. xD His arms promptly drooped as he made to reach for the doorhandle, his smile fading a little. Not in annoyance, not in irk, not in exasperation. Just in sheer .. thought. Who would that be? Felix? Nah .. he had his own key. Why the f**k would he knock his own door, you ask? xDD Athena? Hm. She was most probably with Felix. Riley? Don't be stupid. Someone else? Yea. That was all he could come up with right now. So there was no harm in swiftly wandering back to where he started, shoving a hand casually in his skinny jean pocket and eventually opening the door, not knowing who the hell was on the other side ..

Dear God.

Riley?!

[i'm sorry that was kinda crap. =/ i'm just working on the old ryan myoooz. =] it'll be back, no worries. ;] i just felt that was kind of choppy and all over the place, but i'll fix it soonly my love. <3333]

[theLiZARDQUEEN]

♥

MY MOUTH iS DRY
WiTH WORDS i CANNOT VERBALiZE
TELL ME WHY
WE LiVE LiKE THiS

Staring at the brown door of the apartment, with the little welcome mat sitting politely on the floor, it alerted Riley to how long it had been since she had stepped foot in this flat. Several months, at least. She could barely remember what it looked like now. She remembered a lot of leather, and glass, and red accessories, and a stainless steel kitchen. She remembered a lot of boy things scattered around; one thing in particular stood out to her. A copy of FHM, a men's magazine, if you get my drift ;], had been stuffed under the couch. She didn't know who it belonged to, but she had been too afraid to ask. She truly did not want to know the outcome of that particular question. ;] "Hey, who bought the porno?" xD Yeah. Not a nice image for a girl's mind. She also remembered a lot of girly things lying around. A lipgloss belonging to Athena here, Riley's hairbrush there. The boys' pad really was a second home to the girls, as they spent a lot of time there. Well, Riley used to. Athena still did, but Riley hadn't crossed the threshold of the pad in a looooong time.

While she was waiting for Felix to open the door - what was TAKING him so long?! - her mind wandered. The first time Ryan had been in her dorm, for instance. She had opened the door in her pyjamas and they had both instantly been mortified. He had walked in, and, to Riley's extreme shame and horror, come face-to-face with a hot pink bra belonging to Riley herself. She had thrown it under a chair and flushed bright red, while Ryan had just stood there and smirked. That memory still made her go red, and it probably always would. Having your guy friend see one of your bras wasn't something you could forget easily. ;] She thought of the first time she'd been in this apartment, when they'd retreated here at 2 am in the morning after freezing their asses in the Black River. They had stupidly drank coffee and had been hyper for about an hour before promptly conking out, Ryan sprawled on the sofa and Riley lying across him with her head in his lap. The two had slept companiably until Felix had walked in and started laughing.

It was memories like this that made her miss Ryan more than ever. She wondered if he thought about her too, if he ever stopped to remember the time when Riley had come running to him after being beaten by her dad's girlfriend. Riley had kept the abuse secret for seven years, and Ryan had been her first confidant. Or if he thought of their first drama class together, when they had walked in late and everyone stared at them. All of a sudden Riley felt very sad, and instead concentrated on the episode of South Park she'd watched last night. Cartman always cheered her up. =] He was like a little, fourth-grade, swearing ray of sunshine in her life.

Finally the door opened. Thank God. She didn't want their neighbours to walk past while she was holding a bag full of undies. Deliberately she stared at the doorframe so she wouldn't have to look at Felix and began to speak hurriedly. She heard her name being spoken but failed to recognise the tone of surprise in it. She dismissed it as Felix expecting Athena.

"Hi Felix. I just came by to drop off - "

Something was wrong. There was something wrong with this picture. The chest was too broad to be Felix's. The voice different. The Vans weren't the same as Felix's. Riley cut herself off halfway and slowly, slowly, raised her large, blue, frightened eyes to the handsome face creased in shock that was staring at her. Oh yes. Something was definitely wrong with this picture.

"You're not Felix."

Was all she could manage to squeak out. No, it certainly wasn't Felix. It was Ryan. Riley's mouth dropped open in shock and all she could do was stand there in silence, blinking rapidly, her eyes drinking in the sight of his sorely missed face. It had been so long since she'd seen him. She took a step backward. She was actually frightened of him. She didn't want to get attached to him again. She was scared that this was a dream, that it actually was Felix and her eyes were just playing tricks on her. She discreetly pinched herself. Nope. Not a dream. Ryan was actually there. The two looked rather comical, standing in front of each other in shock, their faces stunned. The plastic bag dropped at her feet, the undies forgotten. Cautiously she stepped forward, eyes never leaving his face. He looked... different. Same same, but different. Same hair, same face, same eyes. Just different. More mature. More handsome. Ri stepped up to him, tilting her head back to get a good look at him, his head situated so much higher up than hers. She prodded his chest carefully, to check if he was real. Her finger connected with his muscled skin gently, reassuring her that he was indeed real, and not a hologram set up to torture her.

She didn't know what to do. A million different emotions were running through her bloodstream; surprise, shock, happiness, anger, sadness... she had absolutely no idea how to react. She wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't supposed to just... turn up like this. To shock her completely, when she wasn't prepared for seeing him again after he just up and left her. Suddenly she felt mad at him. Why HAD he left her? Why had he just left town, disappeared completely, without even a goodbye? Riley's small, pale face stared up at him, completely drained of blood. A lock of orange hair fell in her face. What should she do?

She didn't know what she SHOULD do, but she knew what she WANTED to do. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug him tight so he couldn't run away and leave her again. Riley blinked, and stepped back again. A few minutes had passed since he'd opened the door. She desperately wanted to hug him, but was hesitant. How would he react? Maybe he had changed. Maybe he wasn't the fun, happy, joking, loveable Ryan she knew and adored. She wouldn't be able to stand it if he was. She didn't want him to change.

Riley couldn't stand it anymore. Months and months of not being able to see him, to hear his voice, to smell his wonderful boy scent had driven her crazy. She didn't care if he freaked out. She needed to reassure herself that he was still Ryan. She took a step forward and flung herself at him, arms wrapping around his neck and burying her face in his neck. She breathed in deeply. He still smelt the same. A mix of cologne and that masculine scent all boys had. He still felt the same. Strong and dependable. He was still Ryan. Still her Rytard.

"Don't you ever leave me again."

She whispered into his neck. Her fingers crept up his neck into the soft hair at the nape of his neck. She adored his hair, and knew he did too. ;] Everyone was in love with Ryan's hair. The raven locks just begged you to touch them. Riley's orange hair mixed with his deep ebon hair as she stood on her tiptoes, red Chucks straining to support her as she hugged Ryan for dear life.


OOC__ urgh. i don't like that very much. but i is loving the ryan and rileyness again. =D